Coming Home (part 2)

 I wrote part 1, over two, maybe three weeks ago and have felt unmotivated to publish it…

Why?  I’m not sure.

Perhaps because I am still struggling some days with this divided heart feeling. But God has been whispering ALL over it in the sweetest, most gentle, and encouraging way and I need to testify to His goodness.

For several years I have been convicted to start memorizing scripture again.  Ashamedly, I have ignored that inner prompting for years.  In the New Year, one of my dear friends here mentioned that she was memorizing scripture.  She inspired me to join her and be accountable each week to share what I have learned with her.

I have been memorizing John 15 in small junks.  And when I started really trying to hide verse 11 in my heart, I was so delighted to learn that God wants more for me than a divided heart.  I invite you to listen to this verse of Jesus speaking, “I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete.”  The previous verses talk about abiding in Him and how He is the vine, and we are the branches and how we are to bear fruit that will last.  This passage is so familiar, but I have always brushed over verse 11.

I am pressing into the vine and abiding and recognizing that Jesus wants mine and your joy to be 100% complete. Not 50%. Not 68%. But 100%.  Complete. His joy, in me.  I love this thought and have been marinating in it.  Recognizing that a big part of my joy needs to come from remaining in this season of abiding.  That I can’t force the fruit of any other stage, until it is ready. And that Jesus joy is deep, peaceful, seeking the good, the present, the abiding, the positive, the realistic, the honest, but happy.

So that was last weeks, “ahhh haaa” moment.

This week’s epiphany came from verse 16, again the red letters of Jesus are speaking, directly to my heart, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit – fruit that will last – and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

Again, at first this verse didn’t speak to me, but on about day 3 of memorizing it, I was like…oh my goodness.  I did not choose to be here in Lebanon.  I did not choose to live thousands of miles away from my kids and parents.  I did not choose to put my nursing career on hold.  You are right Jesus, I did not choose you.  But you have chosen me, to be right here in Lebanon, right now.  You have chosen me to be leading an NGO, right here, right now and have appointed me to do it.  Also, to be creating and teaching a forgiveness program.  100% chosen and appointed.  You could have chosen someone else Lord, but you didn’t.  And you have done this so that it will result in lasting fruit. 

Unbelievable. The washing of the Word over my soul.

And so, I press into the vine.  Strengthened.  Believing that for this season I am to have complete Jesus joy and to ask for whatever I need in order to bear forever fruit.  I invite you to press in with me and experience all that Jesus wants to give you also.  I’m pretty sure it is going to be the prettiest tastiest fruit ever created.

P.S. Recently, Darron and I went to a lovely Lebanese restaurant (if you come visit, I will take you there). It was a cold rainy day and as we sat waiting for our food, a basket of fresh made hot pita bread was placed on our table. Darron grabs one and proceeds to warm his cold hands. I started to mock him, and he encouraged me to share the experience. It was lovely. Holding the warm bread. Pressing into the goodness and the freshness of all that was meant to be and more. This is how the Bible has been speaking to me recently. So grateful, to have this life giving Bread. Water. Vine.