Cross Cultural Make Belief
One of our 4 sons had a make belief world when he was a little boy. This world was named Townasia and was filled with wonder, joy, and adventure. In Townasia, friends and animals were delightful companions and accompanied this little boy in his tree forts and tromps throughout our property. Mysteriously, I didn’t quite know how to navigate his escape world, especially when everything in Townasia was “perfect” compared to real life that was not always so delightful or magical. I remember, repeatedly gently re-orienting him to real life and the joy that could be found here in this world despite its imperfections. Eventually, Townasia disappeared from little boy chatter and was replaced with realistic playing, companions and less escaping. Recently I have begun to ponder Townasia more. Transparently, I recognize that I have for all my years of living overseas (and perhaps longer) escaped to my own make-belief world. Just recently, I have decided to give it a name. Americansia.
For the first 4+ years of living overseas Americansia had better food. I couldn’t wait to go home on our yearly leaves and enjoy all those foods that we could not buy in Papua. Sometimes when eating pasta with bugs in it, or sweating over another loaf of home-made bread, I just longed for bug free food with ready-made sauces and the simplicity of being able to buy purchased baked goods that had some nutritional value and substance. Interestingly, around year 6 of living in Papua, Indonesia I began to realize that the food we had learned to adapt and create in Papua was delicious and appetizing. The need to escape to Americansia became less of a need or even a desire. After moving to Lebanon, this make-believe world in food disappeared completely as the Middle Eastern diet of cold mezza (appetizers and salads) was delightful, and the fruits were beyond amazingly delicious.
Undoubtedly, food is probably one of the biggest areas of triggers to desire escape in make-belief worlds for many foreigners. There is a strong emotional tie to the food we were raised on. I have a personal theory that when God mixed up all the languages, at the tower of Babel, that He also mixed up all the food (please note: this theory is not found in scripture). Undeniably, every unique population has its own way of preparing and enjoying food, and it is completely fascinating to me. From pig roasts cooked in earth pits on hot rocks in the jungles of Papua, to sharing a meal on a mat on the floor in a traditional Iraqi family, with small pinches of bread picking up salads and more, to a fun backyard barbeque with hotdogs and hamburgers in a typical American family gathering. Unique. Important. Meals that transcend nourishment but meets cultural and social needs at the very heart of every community, family, and tribe.
Americansia was idolized in my belief system that “everything” there was easier. Especially, when the overseas “problems” came. Specifically, paperwork issues and things that needed to be fixed. Unrealistically, this is a myth and in time reality proved this. Case in point, one year we needed to renew our American driver licenses. A simple everyday streamlined procedure in the United States. That is, if you can prove your residency. Well, what if you don’t own or rent a home in America? You are a legal USA nomad with an overseas address, and no utility bills to prove your stability as a US citizen. Somehow you fall between the gaps of well thought through policies and procedures. Nor does sliding money under that table work to get you anything (like it does in your new culture), other than the risk of a term in jail. In time, we learned to establish a family or friend as our “permanent” residence, and ways to prove our stability as a USA citizen. Clearly, Americansia is not as “easy” as the mind creates when living on the other side of the world.
Interestingly, Americansia, persists in my thinking. You would think that 12 years of cross-cultural living would have taught this mind of mine that “escaping”, or “make-belief” thinking, is not realistic. Counterintuitively, there is not a day that my mind does not ponder returning to Americansia and working as a nurse or nurse educator and being able to be physically present for our parents, and family. Sometimes my mind will linger there for a few minutes, enjoying the perfection of escape and imagining doing something I love and can’t do here and being with people that are part of my very heartbeat. Other times I suppress these feelings and thoughts and chide myself/steel myself/yield myself to be more content in the current reality.
Undoubtedly, this escape system is a coping mechanism and perhaps reveals deeper thoughts in the heart. While I am deeply satisfied to be working with refugees, trying to run an NGO and to stand by my husband in his work, it pushes me into areas of growth and stretching that feel so outside of “me”. While it is rewarding to try and make a difference, it feels like a drop in the bucket. I am concluding that to truly help people in dire need is extremely difficult and beyond challenging. Besides, I miss critical thinking as a nurse and doing nursing things. How do I know that there is still a restless longing? It is all because of one verse in a very familiar hymn, Live Out Thy Life Within me. It keeps popping up in church and over the last 4 years has caught me off guard every time. A few weeks ago, I couldn’t even sing it. Rather tears streamed down my face (which I wiped away during prayer and hoped no one saw). Here are the words:
“Its members every moment held subject to Thy call, Ready to have Thee use them, or not be used at all, Held without restless longings or strain, or stress, or fret, or chafing’s at they dealings or thoughts of vain regret.” Author: Frances R Havergal
I have really struggled with not being able to use my nursing career as a bedside caregiver since leaving Indonesia. Several things that comfort me, is that I know God does not waste anything. So, this “extra” training/stretching that I am going through is not in vain. Meanwhile, I am trying hard to be authentic, real, in touch, and yet yielded and content in this season.
What more can I do to re-orient myself to the joy in this season and to be more present? I am pressing into a specific praise journal about this time and the opportunities in my hands. Lysa Terkurst speaks about where we stare, that is where our focus will be. I will choose to stare at the present, and at the amazing opportunity to grow outside my comfort zone.
Why do I feel compelled to share this with you? I know that many of my readers are cross-cultural workers, and I am guessing that I am not the only foreigner with a make-belief world. I am hoping by being vulnerable with you all, that it will challenge and open conversations and thoughts in your own heart. If any of you can relate to what I have written and found positive ways to be content in challenging situations I would LOVE to learn from you.
As always, thanks for listening, reading, caring, and praying. I love that you are part of my journey through Lebanon and beyond.
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