I’d Drive a Thousand Miles….if only

I was quite surprised this week when tears began to flow and this crazy Mommy urge to drive a thousand miles to see a boy or two filled my heart. It’s almost time for Thanksgiving break and boy #2 needed some help trying to figure out rides.  From the other side of the world, I am reaching out to friends and family to see who is going where and when and ……  It felt so complicated and difficult. It made me sad….because I recognized that I really just wanted to go and get him myself.  That most kids go home on break.  Most parents go get their kids on break.  Most parents are normal people who work 9-5 jobs and who live within a three to five hour radius of their children’s schools and Universities.  If only …….we were normal.

I haven’t written about saying good bye to TWO boys at one time this summer.  Not a week goes by where fellow missionaries and local friends ask me,  “How are you doing without two boys?”  My standard reply is, “They are happy and I am busy, so it hasn’t been too bad.”  And honestly, most days tumble into weeks, and as long as we can chat a bit, my Mommy heart is at peace. 

Saying good-bye to them both on the same day was horrible.  I can still feel the rawness of that day.  I can still feel their lingering tight squeezes and my eyes brim with tears.  Mixed with the emotions of walking away from them was the fact that we were leaving for Papua, Indonesia three days later.  That fact alone, was enough to send my emotions soaring. Who was leaving who?  Most kids leave home, but then do their parents go jetting thousands of miles away?  Three days of travel time away?  Five or more airplane rides away?  I felt slightly insane.

I still smile at how the Lord distracted my mind within hours of saying goodbye to my boys.  That evening upon arriving at my dear mother-in-laws, I was exceedingly aware of her acute illness and need for help and my dear niece visited to fill me in on the last few years of her life.  The next day, between packing boxes and feeding the tribe and last minute shopping, I took my sweet second Mother to the doctor.  There wasn’t time to lay around and feel sorry for myself.  We had a plane to catch and a Mama to get well.

And so we flew “home”.  Here we have fallen into a rhythm of life with two less boys.  Yet we talk and pray and think about them more than if they were in our midst.  Nathaniel moved into Andrew’s room almost as soon as we returned home.  It has been nice to give some focused attention to our rapidly growing “younger boys” (they were the “little boys” until this year, but they are both taller than me now, so we had to throw that term out.  Also, boy #3 had to confront me about it.  haha).

So I was quite surprised this week when tears began to flow and this crazy Mommy urge to drive a thousand miles to see a boy or two filled my heart. It’s almost time for Thanksgiving break and boy #2 needed some help trying to figure out rides.  From the other side of the world, I am reaching out to friends and family to see who is going where and when and ……  It felt so complicated and difficult. It made me sad….because I recognized that I really just wanted to go and get him myself.  That most kids go home on break.  Most parents go get their kids on break.  Most parents are normal people who work 9-5 jobs and who live within a three to five hour radius of their children’s schools and Universities.  If only …….we were normal.

I have to wrestle with the reality that we are not normal.  And I can’t drive a thousand or two thousand or a million miles to go get my boy/s.  Instead I have to be content with the people that the Lord brings into my boys’ lives to care for them.  And I pause today to recognize that my boys and I are blessed by these people. 

My heart is grateful.  So many people have gone out of their way to provide home cooked meals for my guys.  To offer invitations, even to their personal vacations!!!!  Friends have swung open their doors and made my boys feel completely at home.  They have driven miles that I couldn’t drive.  They have gone the extra mile.  You know who you are.  Thank you!  Thank you!  THANK YOU!!!!!

And so once again, I am refocused on the tasks at hand.  Recognizing the loss that two boys leaving at one time leaves and breathing in the reality that they are well cared for.  I am indebted to my family and friends.  I am ever grateful for the Lord, who I have full confidence is holding them better than I ever could. 

Also, in one month….both of these boys are coming home for the holidays.  The household of Boyd’s will be celebrating the fullness of the Boyd quiver, with the understanding that it will never be the same, because they’ve grown up now and left home.  They have changed and we have too.  If only they stayed little forever and yet, I wouldn’t miss watching them leap into adulthood for anything.  The cycle of life is rich, despite its growing pains.  I’m looking forward to them flying thousands of miles to come see us (sorry for the jet lag, guys).  I’ll only have to drive a few miles to pick them up from the airport.  If only…….time will hurry up!  If only……it would slow down.  If only……I were there.  If only I could stay here too.  If only!  (Insight into a Mom’s heart thousands of miles away).