Am I a Missionary?

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There are so many conflicting feelings as a missionary, at least for me.  Often I feel so guilty about being home with my family.  Or not speaking more fluently.  I feel guilt about spending money on basic groceries.  Do I really have a purpose for being here?  What is my “ministry”, my “calling”? 

I know that my family is my biggest mission field.  But at times, I can trip myself out thinking……”It’s not enough.  I can do more.”  So…..at times I do, just little drops in the huge bucket of life and needs in Papua.  As always I am more blessed by serving, then those who are served. 

The latest endeavor has been doing some health presentations (along with Jan Roberts) at some of the local churches.  My topics have been hand washing (yes, it is not just for the hospitals in America to hear that wonderful reminder that this is our greatest way to reduce infection), high blood pressure and stress reduction.  Tonight I went to the meeting with my blood pressure cuff and found most people to have elevated pressures.  One lady was 158/98 and was complaining of a headache and dizziness.  I urged her to seek medical attention.  The pastor wanted his pressure checked, but was worried it would be high.  So I wrote the results down on a piece of paper “190/90” and showed him.  Then I died laughing…..as it was all a joke.  His real blood pressure was 118/80.  All the people loved it, that I had played this trick on Pastor Desmond! : )  I have enjoyed presenting, but also am happy to be home with the family again.

I also have been going to the Adventist school and teaching English on Tuesday afternoons.  We play lots of games and I ask them lots of questions.  Then on Wednesday afternoons I have several students that come to our house for tutoring.  I enjoy that also. 

The hospital sits just up the hill from our bedroom window.  It is beckoning me to come and start a ministry there…..somehow, someway.  Honestly, I am very intimidated to know what to do, how to start and how much I should be away from my family.  It is all a fine balancing act.  I am trying to learn to be content in whatever comes my way to do each day.  Whether it is in the home, or making a loaf of bread to share, or helping someone….whether fellow missionary or fellow Papuan neighbor.  Am I am missionary?  I guess so, right in the small corner, where I am.  It’s a humble effort and I’m glad to know I support the bigger cause of what my husband is able to accomplish.  May God bless our feeble attempts.  He desires that no one should perish……    Amen!

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